Category Archives: Amelia X rated

XXX part deux – Am I Really Doing This?!


 

What does the growing popularity of  ‘hookup sites’ mean for no strings sex in the digital age, and more importantly, is this the ultimate nod towards female sexual liberation?No alcohol, no seduction, no pick up lines… women setting up a profile in the light of day and declaring what they want. It definitely had a certain appeal, but could I really go through with it? (you kind of have to read part 1 first) xx Amelia

 

 

I decided that in order to conduct this strictly anthropological experiment, I was going to need to create a profile that was completely removed from who I really was. Also, I wanted to ensure maximum response so composed a profile that painted Kristie as a no bullshit, easy going kinda girl (emphasis on the ‘easy’). I wanted Kristie Kreme to be the kind of girl who could read Naomi Wolf’s new book without blushing repeatedly at the word ‘vagina’. The kind of liberated feminist who had no qualms about knowing what she wanted and taking it.  A girl who would turn a walk of shame into a march of glory.  Whether or not such a girl really existed, I wanted Kristie to be her.

“OK so I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what to expect. I work in the city (insurance, don’t ask) my friends will probably think I’m mad for doing this but dating bores me. Pick up lines bore me, I’m a busy girl with a lot to do and sometimes after a late Friday night and a few drinks out, well….
Don’t message me any boring crap, don’t message me if you’re short or fat or ugly.
Send me picture, make sure they’re good and who knows, some fun could be had.

My Ideal Person: I like blondes, I like six packs, I’m not into kinky or fifty shades of kinky. I don’t do sleepovers and I don’t do cuddles.”

And there it was. The profile was complete, and comforted by the fact I hadn’t paid anything (so  wasn’t doing it for real), I waited.

A day later no messages.

Two days later, despite my profile being viewed 32 times, still no messages.

I couldn’t help but feel slighted. Was Kristie too intimidating? Was she too full on? Do you seriously need to ‘play it cool’ when serving up no strings sex on a digital plate?!  I wondered if I should have gone for the demure approach, a shy timid creature who writes ‘hehe’ a lot. Maybe it was the picture of the Russian beauty I’d downloaded that seemed unbelievable, but I was far too ‘girl next door’ to pull off being Kristie Kreme myself.

Then it happened, I had a message, and nothing could have prepared me for what I found. Yes, obviously he’d sent a picture of his penis but that wasn’t the surprising part.

‘DKeats’ (28/Islington) had blonde boyband hair, a face that reminded me of Pre-Heroin Kurt Cobain and even though the picture was taken on a camera phone and I could see an extremely unappealing studenty looking bed in the background (and a discarded pair of socks) there was no denying that he was very cute and worse still, he sounded… smart!

I like your blunt sexual avarice.
I share your sensibilities.

I do expect photographic reciprocation. Your profile is somewhat light in that regard.

DK x

 

I had to look up the meaning of avarice (def. insatiable greed for riches; inordinate, miserly desire to gain and hoard wealth)… I don’t get it.

He was cute, AND he knew how to use words I didn’t in contexts I don’t understand!

Was I actually a little nervous to message back? Uh oh. This is bad.

To be continued….

Xx Amelia

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XXX


 

“You did what?” I said, gawping at newly single GBF (Gay Best Friend) as he recounted his Friday night activities.

We’d finished our tame night of local drinks at a reasonable 1am and he’d waved me off at the corner of my road. However, in the time it took for me to brush my teeth, peel off my mascara and fall into bed, GBF had managed to meet, suitably vet and later partake in a threesome with two men he’d never met before; one of which being a well known TV presenter with a Notting Hill postcode (the holy grail of gay hook-ups.)

“Manhunt.com.” He replied. “You just log in when you fancy a shag and it tells you who’s around and up for it.” A quick picture exchange later and hey presto, the nights entertainment was secured with very little fuss.

I should probably point out that GBF is a hopeless romantic, but when boyfriend standards are high the single gay man need not resort to the 3am scramble round the sticky floors of inferno’s on a Saturday night to satisfy his… ahm ‘carnal needs’. The idea, in theory seemed interesting; just imagine, a world without being asked for the n’th time what you do for a living, where you come from or worst or the worst if you ‘come here often’ (yes that’s still done).

‘But surely that’s just internet dating?’ you say. Well yes and no, in the Gay man’s world, internet dating is simple and divided into two very clear cut categories – boys you date, and boys you fuck while for  straights, online dating carries at least the appearance of, well, a date!

That online dating isn’t taboo anymore is something of an understatement.  With adverts for soulmate finding sites littering every billboard and magazine this could well be the next logical step! Or was it? I mean, it’s one thing to end up in a regrettable one night stand after a few too many Sambuccas but surely another thing entirely to actively admit you’re after no strings sex when sober enough to set up and pay for a profile. As I pondered whether or not my antiquated views belonged in the dark ages with the kind of people who read ‘the rules’ (or the kind who de-eroticise their table legs with tiny skirts) I decided to take a look online and it wasn’t long before I stumbled across a site that professed itself to be the ‘world’s largest sex and dating site’ and the curiosity set in.

Do ‘normal people actually do this?! If internet dating is no longer for girl-shy geeks and geographically challenged divorcees then maybe behind the bright red login page lurked a cornucopia of Christian Greys and liberated successful Samantha Joneses. I had to admit that I couldn’t picture either of these characters sitting at a computer feverishly trying to think of a suitable screen name, yet here I was a click away from discovering what could indeed be the future of no strings, no bullshit sex. The doorway to twenty first century copulation.

One click later, I was in.

Her name was Kristie Kreme….

To Be Continued